Music That Burns

The noise of the city filtered in through the open window adjacent to me as I once again tried to remember exactly what had happened yesterday. The event itself wasn’t much to go on and unfortunately it seemed neither was my recollection of what exactly had occurred.

“Okay Jeremy, I need to know exactly what happened before you ran into me yesterday. Do you understand?” inquired Mr. Sianches, who was head of the New York police department. “Why exactly did you run into the building that you later exclaimed was on fire?”

I could see the beaded drop of sweat begin to crease his brow and knew that Mr. Sianches was beginning to tire of my utterly convenient lack of memory. “Listen Mr. Sianches, I don’t know why I ran into that building that I thought was on fire, and at the rate this is going I don’t ever think that I will.” I sighed as Mr. Sianches’s forehead once again revealed his tell-tale worry lines that came with years of working as a police officer in New York City.

Mr. Sianches gave me a cold stare and then relaxed back into his seat across the table once again trying the “good cop” routine with me. “Jeremy, you know that I am only trying to help you right? I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you, especially not a conviction for murder.” The last line trailed off as if that was enough to persuade me to admit everything and become nothing but a sniveling, confessing convict.

“Yah okay, I know that.” I replied, “But that still doesn’t change anything. I still have no idea what happened. So either pronounce me a crazy murdering convict and be done with it or release me. It’s up to you chief.”

“Fine!” yelled Mr. Sianches, “I’ve had it up to here with you and if you don’t want to crack then by God it’s your mistake. I’m just trying to help but if you don’t want it, then get out and stay out!”

“Glad we’ve reached an agreement then chief,” I replied and without giving a backwards glance bolted out of the room and through the towering double doors of the police station before he had any chance to chance his mind. After ten minuets of running in the opposite direction that he would most likely pick to pursue me, I began to make my way through the alleys of the city jungle until I had doubled back. I now headed for the troublesome building from the day before.
The building was nothing special to say the least, but it certainly did not show any traces of fire damage or any form of arson at all for that matter. I carefully made my way through the maze of glass from where I had burst through the front window and when I stepped over the shattered frame catching my sleeve on the broken edges, tearing off a chunk of the fabric, I didn’t care if they knew that I had been here again. It didn’t matter now. All the police would see what they were trained to see; those who didn’t remember or didn’t talk were those who committed the crime. Then the music came and with it the shift between reality and the depths of hell that cascaded upon me yesterday.

The song itself was peaceful; a melodic melody played on a piano. The landscape around me however was another case. I was no longer standing in the broken foyer of the abandoned building. Instead, I was in the hallway of some fancy hotel that was burning around me. I gagged as the acrid smoke filled my lungs and I quickly covered my mouth with my torn shirt. I knew from the events of yesterday that fighting back more than this would result in my expulsion from this place, and subsequently arrested once again by the police. I really must be insane I thought to myself as I pushed on instead of running like last time. It was the music that drove me to the end of the hall up to the door that I knew must lead to where I wanted to go. It was an interesting feeling standing there, cocking my head to one side as I considered the situation. It was as if I no longer had control of my actions. The music was my conscience now.

“Jeremy….Oh Jeremy…” called a voice from near by. “Why did you run from me yesterday? Why did you run when all I wanted was to show you something?” called the jeering voice while continuing to lure me forward towards the door.

“I, I don’t know,” I replied, “But I came back to see. I came back because I knew I should. I came back to find you.” Nearer and nearer I came to the door but with each new step I would pause as if I was being grabbed from behind and slowly yanked back.

Then I saw her sitting in the room to my immediate left. She merited all of my attention because it was hard not to look at someone who was half burned to a crisp, ash falling from her face with each movement she made. She was the one who was playing the piano, running her charred fingers over the remains of the broken keys and producing a song that was so pure it made my heart ache.
“Hello Jeremy. How nice of you to drop in on me,” she said as she looked up from her piano and glared at me with her one good eye.

My trance shattered as I heard the luring voice change to the voice belonging to the girl in the room. “Hi Susan, long time no see,” I choked out as I watched her tense at my reply.

She stopped playing and as soon as the sound ceased, so did the raging fire around me. Noticing her slip though she quickly returned to her song before replying to my greeting, “Yes Jeremy, funny how death causes us to not see each other,” her voice cracked on the last word and then she spun towards me letting the music cease and the building breath for one miniscule moment. “But you would know all about the absences death causes now wouldn’t you?” she jeered, pointing her finger at me, letting more ash scatter the floor around her. “Or at least you should after killing me!” she yelled.

“What! I didn’t kill you! It was a bloody accident nothing more than that,” I replied, grasping for straws now. “I didn’t kill you! I just didn’t,” and with that I fell to the floor my head cradled in my hands as the tears came to me.

“Hush little baby don’t you cry” sang Susan before she burst into a fit of laughter, “Well then, by what means do you claim that you did not kill me?” Susan got up off the piano bench and made her way over to my crumpled form, laying her charred hand on my back while stroking my hair with her good hand. “What reasons does the little baby have?” she jeered.

“I have no reasons,” I sputtered. “I only know that I didn’t kill you. I could never have killed you, never.” I looked up into her good eye and marveled at how through all this I still wasn’t afraid of her.

“Oh really?” Susan questioned, “No reason at all? Well then I may just have to refresh your memory.” She made her way over the piano once more. “Jeremy, does this remind you of what happened all those years ago?”

The sudden change shocked me to my senses as the building burst into flames once more and Susan’s hatred poured from her soul into the dark masterpiece she was now painting with her music.

I remembered how dark the streets had been as she and I ran through New York towards the building; all we wanted was to be alone together and earlier that day we had chosen our spot. It had been the perfect hideout and now it would be our perfect world, but things had gone horribly wrong right from the start. Of course we couldn’t try what we wanted to without light and so Susan had suggested we bring candles. How was I to know that the old carpet of the abandoned hotel on the corner of 5th and Sulivan would catch fire so quickly? It wasn’t my fault that the route I choose to save us would be the one that would lead to her death. Was it my fault that the roof collapsed and that I dove out of the way pulling her with me, but not fast enough? She had been crushed by the burning pile and I just hadn’t been strong enough to pull her out in time. It was my idea in the first place and so it was my fault, all my fault.

Her last chord faded away and I now remembered everything that had happened to me in the past year. The burning of my house that no one could explain, the music that no matter where I went always lingered in the back of my mind, and the episodes I had every time I came across an abandoned building. I always swore that the building had been on fire and that the girl inside had been dead when I found her but at this point I had no idea if I killed her. My mind was one jumbled mess, all focused around Susan, all focused around the fact that I had caused her death.

“There, there poor Jeremy,” she cooed at me as she came closer, “It’s okay. It can all be over now.”

“What do you mean it can all be over?” I replied as I sat up and leaned towards her.

“Oh it’s easy enough,” Susan said, “All that’s left is for you to burn the building and everything will be fine. You’ll come and join me and then I can play for you all day. You want to hear me play again don’t you?” She held me close to her as she let the meaning of her words sink into my head.

It took me a while before I answered her but when I did it seemed to please her greatly. “Of course I want to listen to you play. I want to listen for all of eternity.” I replied. “But I don’t know how to do what you’ve asked of me. How am I supposed to burn down the building?” I asked.

“You can use these,” she said as she placed a package of matches in my right hand.

I looked up into her face and she smiled back at me, then taking one of the matches out of the package I lit it and threw it onto the carpet around me, all the while watching her face. It didn’t frighten me when the room caught ablaze and the hotel image shifted to that of the building I was in. It didn’t frighten me because she was there the entire time holding me while I watched as my flesh sizzled and charred as the flames began to engulf me. It was over much faster then I would have expected and I was surprised but not unsatisfied. Then Susan beckoned to me by the piano and I quickly made my way over to her.

“Shall I play then Jeremy?” she asked me.

As my answer I pulled her hand towards the keyboard, charred flesh against charred flesh and nodded my approval. “Play and never stop my dear.”